Yesterday morning, I lost my last contact lens somewhere in the bathroom. This is not an interesting story, really. I was just legally blind for all yesterday. I mean, I don’t technically know if I was legally blind, but I told everybody that because it’s close enough and I had a dinner date with some friends and then they’d offer to drive. I know I shouldn’t be behind a wheel without optical help, let’s put it like that. I spent all day complaining that I couldn’t see and milking the experience– an experience that was totally my fault, since I must’ve completely missed the little contact lens holder and put a lens on the counter or the sink or the toilet or something, but I enjoy a good gripe.
I need to go to the eye doctor and get new contacts. I'm a horrible contacts wearer. I'm the type of person that will buy two boxes of lenses and wear my contacts for months until they start to hurt my eyes. I know - I need to make an appointment to get my eyes checked. I know I need new glasses. I've had the same pair of glasses since I was in the 4th grade that my brother bought for me and my eyes have changed since then, but I can half see with my old glasses. (I love you, Brad. You always took care of me when I was little because no one else did.) Last year when I went to the eye doctor it was so expensive! I’ll sum it up: eye exam is free, contact exam not free, lenses not free, some other deductible, and I had to pay for them to take photographs of my eye. My total bill was a little over $200, which was $200 more than I thought I was paying. Initially, I was told insurance covered everything, then it turned out they only covered everything I didn’t care about having done. I’m sure I still made out well in the deal– without the vision coverage, it probably would have been around $500. Still, though. Man. $200. I keep feeling like we have some extra money, and then I go and drop my contacts in the toilet. Man.
In other news, Nate should be home on Saturday. Yay!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Spring, where are you?
I'm so annoyed with the IRS right now. I can't even believe how much we owe in taxes this year. Boo. I guess Nate and I need to have four kids so we can actually get a refund for a change! Ha! I'll pass on that though. I'm pretty certain the amount of money it takes to raise four children would astronomically outweigh the amount of any refund we would get at the end of a year!
It's snowing. Again. Gavin is outside running around in it. He loves snow. Me on the other hand, I like warm weather, flip flops, flowers and sunshine! I was hoping to go shopping today to get some groceries and a few other things we need. I guess it's going to be a pajama movie day instead!
It's snowing. Again. Gavin is outside running around in it. He loves snow. Me on the other hand, I like warm weather, flip flops, flowers and sunshine! I was hoping to go shopping today to get some groceries and a few other things we need. I guess it's going to be a pajama movie day instead!
Friday, January 21, 2011
For real.
Ok, I've moved the blog for the last time. I liked the other host, but their server was ALWAYS down. I could hardly ever get on their site to edit, post or update anything. I got so annoyed last night with the site and life in general that I just had a meltdown and made a new blog. Here it is. Blogger allows you to customize the site and upload your own layouts which I love. I forgot how much I loved coding, graphics and HTML!
As I mentioned earlier, I went completely insane yesterday. I couldn’t even write about it at the time because I was so in it; so stressed and worked up and strung out. Everything just kind of came to a head and I had a breakdown.
This last week or two has just been a perfect storm of drama. Every issue by themselves is a minor stressor– but then combined, it was awful. I don’t, and won’t, talk about specifics on here, but I will say work has been nothing short of stress free. I'm training new employees and some employees never want to show up for work. I have no idea what's wrong with people! Then I feel like everyone around me - everyone I love - that their life is completely falling apart at the seams and they all expect me to be there for them. I want to be a great friend. I want to be there for everyone and help them through anything, but I feel so drained and emotionally exhausted. I feel so bad for them all. I genuinely worry about people. Most of the time, I'll never mention it. But I can promise you that at night when I'm laying in bed, if you told me something about your life, or a hardship your going through, that I'm praying for you. And I'm thinking about you. Constantly.
Sigh...
I don't understand certain things about life. I don't understand why some people are so lucky and others aren't. Life just isn't fair to some people. Everyone deserves to have everything. Everyone deserves the same amount of happiness, but why do some people come to it so easily and others don't? Why do some people work so hard and get nothing, and some people do nothing and get everything? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
So. I'm stressed with work, family and friends. Add to all this that I’m trying to run a semi-efficient household with no help since Nate is out of town. Playing bills, clipping coupons, filing our taxes (which I have been dreading since the day our incomes became one), shopping, cooking, budgeting, vacuuming, laundry, bathrooms, bedsheets, pick-up, gas in the car, car to oil change, dog to vet, me to appointments. It’s a full-time job in itself.
Yesterday morning I woke up. Got ready for work as usual. Started to pack my lunch then realized I have no food. (I still don't have any food.) The house is a mess, I’m thinking LOOK AT ALL I HAVE TO DO, and in the back of my mind I’m making a list: kitchen, bathrooms, sheets, grocery list, coupons, redo the budget - so many things need to change there. Let me tell you. There are about to be some major cut backs around here. So I get to work and get settled in. Start working on our budget and I’m having a panic attack. I always give myself a panic attack doing the budget and I’m like, “We don’t have three to six month’s in regular savings, Nate needs new tires and my car is about to break down, blah blah blah this is a disaster!” and whenever I stress over the budget to Nate he is like, “Calm DOWN. We’re doing a hundred times better than last year, a thousand times better than the year before that– we’re very comfortable, stop making yourself freak out.” I know I am a worst-case scenario person. But I am. I can’t help it. I will NEVER have enough money. If you give me $5,000, I will be worried that I don’t have $10,000. And I budget our checking account WAY low. I don’t know why. Maybe just to continue the heart attack cycle. If I have $500 left to allocate after a paycheck, I will put $400 into savings and $100 into checking. So rather than see that, hey, look at the savings! We have lots of money in there!, I only looked at our checking and I’m like, WE ARE HANGING BY A THREAD PEOPLE. WE ARE BARELY GOING TO MAKE IT. Of course, we have bills to pay and things we need, and I started buying things and soon realized that I needed to move more out of savings if I was going to get my car fixed and whatever else, and not be broke. So– yesterday– I am staring at our Excel spreadsheet and realizing I’m going to have to pull another $200 from savings to make sure we have a little bit of padding for everything.
I hate taking money out of savings. I feel like I’ve failed. It doesn’t feel like my money; I feel like I’m taking a loan from the bank. I know, logically, it’s not– and I know, logically, I did fail, because who only gives themselves $100 buffer for two weeks if they don’t have to? That’s ridiculous. So I’m transferring money, and then I remember that I was planning on raising my 401k next week, so my budget is wrong because my paychecks will be lower. Again: it feels like a demotion. It’s not. I'm making the same amount of money, it will be going into a different account for us but it’s still savings, but because it’s a 401k and not anything I can draw from, I’m feel like there’s two hundred dollars a month I’ll just be losing.
Also: Nate does not make bad money. At all. In fact, he makes almost twice now what he did when we first met. Nate will accept that I want to cut coupons, and that I want to be frugal, and that I want to make sure we’re financially secure in case of an emergency, but he doesn’t find any of it necessary. He will put off buying a car for a year to put that money towards savings– he’s on board with that– but I know if I woke up tomorrow, and was like, “Hey, you know what? Why don’t you get that Mercedes you want?”, he wouldn’t bat an eye. He'd be like COOL. DONE. Whereas I would probably have trouble buying a bike, and would return it the next day.
What is wrong with me? Writing all this out makes me sound so much more weird than I feel like I really am.
Everything has been so monumental around here lately. I stress out way too much.
Nate still doesn't know when he will be home from his shooting package. Imagine that. I love how the Marine Corps never knows anything.
Oh! and completely random, but I almost said I was 22 the other day. Someone was talking about their age, and I was like, “I’m 22, too!” Then I remembered I was 26.
Sigh.
I guess I'll end with a cute picture of Gavin. We were cuddling on the couch after a 1 mile run. I love that little cuddle dog. No matter how stressful and lonely I can get at times, I always feel better when I'm doing this....
As I mentioned earlier, I went completely insane yesterday. I couldn’t even write about it at the time because I was so in it; so stressed and worked up and strung out. Everything just kind of came to a head and I had a breakdown.
This last week or two has just been a perfect storm of drama. Every issue by themselves is a minor stressor– but then combined, it was awful. I don’t, and won’t, talk about specifics on here, but I will say work has been nothing short of stress free. I'm training new employees and some employees never want to show up for work. I have no idea what's wrong with people! Then I feel like everyone around me - everyone I love - that their life is completely falling apart at the seams and they all expect me to be there for them. I want to be a great friend. I want to be there for everyone and help them through anything, but I feel so drained and emotionally exhausted. I feel so bad for them all. I genuinely worry about people. Most of the time, I'll never mention it. But I can promise you that at night when I'm laying in bed, if you told me something about your life, or a hardship your going through, that I'm praying for you. And I'm thinking about you. Constantly.
Sigh...
I don't understand certain things about life. I don't understand why some people are so lucky and others aren't. Life just isn't fair to some people. Everyone deserves to have everything. Everyone deserves the same amount of happiness, but why do some people come to it so easily and others don't? Why do some people work so hard and get nothing, and some people do nothing and get everything? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
So. I'm stressed with work, family and friends. Add to all this that I’m trying to run a semi-efficient household with no help since Nate is out of town. Playing bills, clipping coupons, filing our taxes (which I have been dreading since the day our incomes became one), shopping, cooking, budgeting, vacuuming, laundry, bathrooms, bedsheets, pick-up, gas in the car, car to oil change, dog to vet, me to appointments. It’s a full-time job in itself.
Yesterday morning I woke up. Got ready for work as usual. Started to pack my lunch then realized I have no food. (I still don't have any food.) The house is a mess, I’m thinking LOOK AT ALL I HAVE TO DO, and in the back of my mind I’m making a list: kitchen, bathrooms, sheets, grocery list, coupons, redo the budget - so many things need to change there. Let me tell you. There are about to be some major cut backs around here. So I get to work and get settled in. Start working on our budget and I’m having a panic attack. I always give myself a panic attack doing the budget and I’m like, “We don’t have three to six month’s in regular savings, Nate needs new tires and my car is about to break down, blah blah blah this is a disaster!” and whenever I stress over the budget to Nate he is like, “Calm DOWN. We’re doing a hundred times better than last year, a thousand times better than the year before that– we’re very comfortable, stop making yourself freak out.” I know I am a worst-case scenario person. But I am. I can’t help it. I will NEVER have enough money. If you give me $5,000, I will be worried that I don’t have $10,000. And I budget our checking account WAY low. I don’t know why. Maybe just to continue the heart attack cycle. If I have $500 left to allocate after a paycheck, I will put $400 into savings and $100 into checking. So rather than see that, hey, look at the savings! We have lots of money in there!, I only looked at our checking and I’m like, WE ARE HANGING BY A THREAD PEOPLE. WE ARE BARELY GOING TO MAKE IT. Of course, we have bills to pay and things we need, and I started buying things and soon realized that I needed to move more out of savings if I was going to get my car fixed and whatever else, and not be broke. So– yesterday– I am staring at our Excel spreadsheet and realizing I’m going to have to pull another $200 from savings to make sure we have a little bit of padding for everything.
I hate taking money out of savings. I feel like I’ve failed. It doesn’t feel like my money; I feel like I’m taking a loan from the bank. I know, logically, it’s not– and I know, logically, I did fail, because who only gives themselves $100 buffer for two weeks if they don’t have to? That’s ridiculous. So I’m transferring money, and then I remember that I was planning on raising my 401k next week, so my budget is wrong because my paychecks will be lower. Again: it feels like a demotion. It’s not. I'm making the same amount of money, it will be going into a different account for us but it’s still savings, but because it’s a 401k and not anything I can draw from, I’m feel like there’s two hundred dollars a month I’ll just be losing.
Also: Nate does not make bad money. At all. In fact, he makes almost twice now what he did when we first met. Nate will accept that I want to cut coupons, and that I want to be frugal, and that I want to make sure we’re financially secure in case of an emergency, but he doesn’t find any of it necessary. He will put off buying a car for a year to put that money towards savings– he’s on board with that– but I know if I woke up tomorrow, and was like, “Hey, you know what? Why don’t you get that Mercedes you want?”, he wouldn’t bat an eye. He'd be like COOL. DONE. Whereas I would probably have trouble buying a bike, and would return it the next day.
What is wrong with me? Writing all this out makes me sound so much more weird than I feel like I really am.
Everything has been so monumental around here lately. I stress out way too much.
Nate still doesn't know when he will be home from his shooting package. Imagine that. I love how the Marine Corps never knows anything.
Oh! and completely random, but I almost said I was 22 the other day. Someone was talking about their age, and I was like, “I’m 22, too!” Then I remembered I was 26.
Sigh.
I guess I'll end with a cute picture of Gavin. We were cuddling on the couch after a 1 mile run. I love that little cuddle dog. No matter how stressful and lonely I can get at times, I always feel better when I'm doing this....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)